I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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