apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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