the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
