Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
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