Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
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