Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
