if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
