I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
