my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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