I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
