I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
