It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Randomize
