No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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