just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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