If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
