Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
