mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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