i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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