Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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