Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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