why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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