dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
