Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
