i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
