I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
