he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
