I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I love you. Go after that dick
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
