i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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