Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
