This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
