just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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