and you said cock pushups were impossible
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
