this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
