Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
do herpes really smell.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
