it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Randomize
