Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Randomize
