Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
they're like a gay fantastic four
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
