I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
