I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
