Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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