you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
