Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
