separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
