I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
