Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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