It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
