I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
