two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
