it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Pooping to opera.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
