He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
