Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
The struggles of a small town man whore
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
