He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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