Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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