He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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