I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
